On Lynxxx, And How He Has Caused Trouble For All The Sisters In The Lord

by

My dear sisters. What is number one item on your Husband Wish-List? A God-fearing man! And, sistren in the Lord, what is the last thing on that same list? A reckless, champagne-popping, night-crawling, fine-boy player. (i.e. musician, actor, social media celebrity or any other public figure.) And so, because we had set our minds on things…

TEXT SIZE
+

My dear sisters. What is number one item on your Husband Wish-List?

A God-fearing man!

And, sistren in the Lord, what is the last thing on that same list?

A reckless, champagne-popping, night-crawling, fine-boy player. (i.e. musician, actor, social media celebrity or any other public figure.)

And so, because we had set our minds on things above, we had refused to acknowledge that Lynxxx was a certified, bone-shaking, shiver-inducing hottie – because we would have had to confess that we listen to secular music sometimes. (Just at weddings, I know, I know.)

So, when Chukie Lynxxx, the tall, yummy musician – and, therefore, playboy – who we were not allowed to lust after, declared that he had given his life to Jesus, and began to preach repeatedly, and to use his life as a light to draw the brethren closer to the Father, and on SOCIAL MEDIA, no less(!!!), man-like-Lynxxx caused all the churchous sister-gyal dem all manner of heartquakes.

lynx1

Amen!

Who else but God could turn the last item on our list, sisters, into the first item?

Who else could open the pathways of the gospel and use a former champagne-popper for His glory?

Who else could win the souls of the heathen women so strategically?

Who else, could make all the women realise therefore, that Lynxxx was, in fact, that elusive, bad-boy-turned-good that we’ve all dreamed about (but were warned never to hope for)?

lynx2

And he’s not even Yoruba!

Magnify the Lord with me, ladies, and join me in singing a new song to the Lord. Because we once were blind, but now we can see the full glory of the Lord in the beauty of His creation.

lynx3

He even likes to cook, sef. Game over.

I shall now wander back to the group chat wherein my girlfriends and I are formulating strategically viable means by which the attention of this elusive unicorn Male can be attained, in a manner through which the husbandical intentions of his subconscious might be awakened and directed in the very specific direction of moi.

I can just see the Bella Naija weddings headline: “From Parody to Life Partners! How this TNC contributor won the heart of rapper, Lynxxx.”

lynx4

Toodles, sisters. May the peace of the Lord be with you always.

If you like this, please share!